A statement that shocks (but helps) all my clients.
The way we perceive and experience anxiety is deeply subjective. As a therapist who helps clients with anxiety, and as someone who has faced it throughout my life, I can confidently vouch for this. Anxiety is not a one-size-fits-all experience. Some of us are petrified by it, some can shake it off, and some freeze in overwhelming panic whenever it visits.
This subjectivity makes anxiety difficult to fully understand and manage. You won’t find a universal solution to handle it. Sure, there are techniques, medications, and lifestyle changes that may help, but there’s no permanent fix. Anxiety will always find its way back into our lives, because it has a purpose.
“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.” — Søren Kierkegaard
We often view anxiety as the enemy, something out of our control that stops us from living the life we want. It can manifest as doubt, unease, or even full-blown panic when there’s no apparent danger. No one wants to feel this way — I know that personally. But the harder we fight anxiety, the stronger it becomes.
I remember when I faced this struggle first-hand. I was in a position where I knew I needed to leave a job that I loved in order to focus on my career. The emotional attachment I had to this role made the decision agonizing. Anxiety gripped me during this period, and it became most noticeable while driving. The closer I got to making the decision to resign, the worse my panic attacks became. My heart would race to 160 BPM the moment I sat behind the wheel.
These panic attacks became so intense that I was forced to resign from the job — quite literally because I couldn’t drive there anymore. As soon as I made the decision, the panic vanished.
This experience was a clear reminder: anxiety wasn’t my enemy. It was my subconscious trying to send a message to my conscious mind.
“Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.” — Carl Jung
Anxiety often reflects something we feel but aren’t fully aware of. It’s a conflict between what we want to do and what we think we can do. Or perhaps between what we need to do and what we resist. And since it’s such a personal experience, it affects each of us differently, amplifying the specific fears that matter most to us.
Something you feel, but do not know or vice versa.
Something you want to do, but feel like you can’t do or vice versa.
Something you have to do, but don’t need to do or vice versa.
This duality of anxiety is part of its subjectivity — it can express the things we feel but are not yet fully aware of, or the things we deeply desire but feel paralyzed to pursue.
That’s why anxiety can’t simply be dismissed or ignored — it’s designed to get our attention. The more we fight it, the louder it screams. And anything that merely numbs it or helps us cope without addressing its root is only delaying the message. Instead, the way forward is through acceptance, not resistance.
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” — Carl Rogers
This doesn’t mean we should welcome anxiety with open arms, but we must recognize its role in our lives. It’s there to guide us. If we learn to listen, anxiety can become a powerful ally rather than something we dread.
Therapy can be a crucial part of this journey. It offers a safe space to explore these anxieties in a personal and deeply tailored way. In therapy, you can begin to unravel what your anxiety is trying to tell you. Rather than relying on generic self-help advice, a therapist can guide you in understanding the very specific roots of your anxiety — why it shows up in your life, when it does, and what deeper conflicts it may be highlighting. This individual approach is far more effective than attempting to apply broad, one-size-fits-all techniques that often don’t consider the uniqueness of your situation.
For example, many clients discover through therapy that their anxiety is tied to unspoken fears or desires they’ve been avoiding — decisions they need to make, boundaries they haven’t set, or unresolved inner conflicts. By working through these in therapy, they not only understand the “why” behind their anxiety but also how to address it in a way that honors their specific needs. This allows for sustainable change and growth, rather than simply managing symptoms.
Numbing anxiety, whether through distraction or avoidance, only postpones the inevitable. In fact, delaying action or understanding may prolong the struggle. Accepting and understanding anxiety’s message can help you make decisions that align with your needs and desires — sometimes before you’re even fully conscious of them.
This doesn’t mean coping strategies or medication don’t play a role — in some cases, they’re vital for managing the immediate effects of anxiety, especially when it becomes too overwhelming to handle alone. However, relying solely on these methods without looking deeper can limit the opportunity for growth. It’s about complementing these methods with a process of deeper exploration, which is where therapy comes in. By addressing the root of anxiety, we can turn it from an enemy into an ally.
In short, anxiety is your friend, not your enemy. It’s your mind’s way of telling you that something in your life is out of balance. The sooner you listen, the sooner you can bring clarity to the situation. By facing anxiety, rather than resisting it, you allow yourself to grow.
So ask yourself: What might your anxiety be trying to tell you?
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